Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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