If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
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