were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
