According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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