I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
