Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
