return my video game
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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