Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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