I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
