i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
there is glitter all over my balls
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