She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I wish they made helmets for livers.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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