legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
