They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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