No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
