I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
