fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
