Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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