The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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