is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
