between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
