I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
