The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
