I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
