Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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