Taylor Swift is so right about you.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize