The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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