Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
