You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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