When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
