the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
