oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
