Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Panties = found
Randomize
