I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Randomize
