Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
