i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
