I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
