i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
