Don't you send me to vm
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
