Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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