I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
as a side note pls kill me
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
