A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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