wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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