either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
