Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
