Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
