I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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