i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
