It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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