i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
