Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
