a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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