I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
