I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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