Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
