I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
