...so i touched it.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
