It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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