and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
