walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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