I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Randomize
