In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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