is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
