I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
