So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
