haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
