i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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