Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
