no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize