bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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