I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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